The Need To Speak

I feel this need, this desire to speak my mind on so many different topics. Too many topics. I keep my mouth closed and it physically hurts my body and my soul. Why is the fear to speak my mind so strong? Because when I was younger I was never taken seriously by my peers. I think I may have know 3 or 4 that actually respected my input and thoughts. I was just surrounded by too many peers that made me afraid.

Astonishingly enough I talk to some of those people today. We hold conversations and realize that we have so much in common. Normally I wouldn’t have bothered but I saw one such person that I was afraid to talk to back in school. It was only just a few years back but she has helped to bring me out of my shell and I don’t even think she knows that. Yes, I was a 42 year old woman who was still afraid of starting a conversation with people. Every day I fought that fear but there were just more days that it won than I won. I am now 45 and still working through those issues. It doesn’t help that you felt like an outsider your entire childhood because you were definitely different than the rest of the kids.

So, here I am. Sharing some things that a few people know about by now but the rest don’t and if they do – speak up! Ever since I was a baby I was different. As I got older and learned to speak, my mom would hear me talking to someone even though she couldn’t see them. i told her later that I was talking with other children. I was helping them figure out what was going on and then they would cross over. My mom can and will confirm that just from what she remembers hearing me say. It was when I was 13 that it got more interesting. I still dealt with the odd ghost but that’s when I started being able to hear whole conversations in my head. Some conversations that were even directed towards me so I responded. I was told, by the one adult I told this to (counselor), that I needed to be in a padded cell. So you can imagine how withdrawn I became. Music was an outlet back then but it didn’t do much because I became bored with it.

Okay, let’s fast forward. I was in my mid-20s and living in Dallas with my mom and my sister. I found a teacher. A great woman. Love her to bits. She helped me figure out who I was, who I was to become (still working on that one) and what I could do. I had studied the tarot in my early 20s, that’s when I met my best friend. I learned a lot from her, as well. I’m now 45 years old and still nervous about who I tell what. So, guess what? I’m coming clean.

I’m me. There are so many facets to me that there is no way I could tell them all to you. The main ones you all know. Master herbalist, freegan, vegan, zero-waste and daughter, sister and mother to my fur-babies. If you want to know more about me, just ask. I’ll be happy to share.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. Peace and love.

P.S. Thanks to #danieleuanhendersonchallenge for giving me the gumption to write this.

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