This is turning into the hardest post to write. It has been a while since I have given y’all a health update. I was supposed to have gotten this post out earlier this week, sorry about that.
I went to my doctor for the results of my A1C (type 2 diabetic for those that don’t know) and my count was down. Not perfect, but down (from 14 points to 10 points). Yay! So, we finally got to talk about my digestion. Yep, the thing that was causing me the most debilitating pain for almost 6 months. We are talking about pain that kept me bed-ridden for a few days at a time. I could do the very basic things but I was in bed for most of the day. There days I thought my body had turned on me so bad that I was going to die. I’m not exaggerating. That’s how it felt and I have a real high tolerance for pain.
The doctor wanted to do some blood tests to see if there was a possibility of gastroparesis or pancreatitis. While we waited for the results he started me on an elimination diet and a diet pill. Now, I hate taking drugs. You have no idea how much I hate taking drugs. Within 10 days of being on the elimination diet we found out (by my sheer stupidity) that I’m NCGS (Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitive). But I was still having stomach issues – just short of the pain I was experiencing before. I was feeling so bad that I would miss taking any of my medicines for a few days at a time. I would feel better and then it would start back again when I started taking my medicines again. I stopped and just started thinking. The only new medicine I was taking was the diet pill (phentermine). I stopped the diet pill for a few days while taking my other pills. The pain subsided and then was gone. The bloating and gas had all but left. I wasn’t in pain anymore. I called the doctor’s office and told them what I figured out and the doctor said to stop the diet pill since I was experiencing some of the side effects. Yay! One pill down! 3 pills and one shot to go.
I’m not quite sure why this has been a difficult posting for me to write. But it has been. Actually, I do know. I’ve recently realized something about myself. I’m a talker. That’s what I do. I talk a good game but I have no follow-through. I let fear control me and my actions. My entire life I’ve been a behind the scenes type of person. You know, the one who makes other’s look good while keeping to the shadows. This is a big problem. It has kept me from following a few avenues of dreams in my life. I’m not bragging about myself but I’m a damn good actress and with some training, so I’ve been told, I could have been a great singer. When trying out for my school band, I could play any instrument put in front of me. Well, not the flute. I really wanted to play the drums but I arrived too late to try-outs. Tarot reading, aromatherapy creator, business owner, caterer, energy healer, teacher. All these avenues meant that I would have to put myself in the limelight. Something I’ve never been comfortable with ever since my school days (thanks bullies).
I’ve reached a point in my life where I can no longer allow this to control me but I have no idea how to work through the fear. Heck, I’m not even sure what path I want to take now. Too many things in my mind that I want to have happen. Animal rescue/sanctuary. Learning garden. Teaching the healing properties of herbs. Business owner. Creating a cookbook. Activism. Politics. So many things that it’s overpowering. I don’t even know where to begin or who to talk to. I’m the one that people talk to, not the other way around. I sometimes wonder if I’m alone in this. Any suggestions?
That being said. I think I realized why this was such a difficult post to write. Admitting my faults – my biggest fear (success & failure). I’m sorry this post has been so long but I needed to say these things. Thank you for listening/reading.
Peace and love, my friends.